Do you remember the times when you were bullied because of your haircut, weight or whatever reason those weak people have chosen to bully you for? I will explain to you why I call them weak, because anyone who have inferiority complex, doesn’t want to be bullied him or herself or divert the attention towards others so they pick on others relatively ranked low on the popularity chart. You are not weak for crying, People cry because they have been strong for a long time. Back again to the bullying gang, they target individuals who can’t stand up for themselves, what if I told you that I have a magical solution for this problem? A charm stronger than any Harry Potter’s. Now you wish you had a time machine to go back and use it, right? I know I know. I wish I had it too, but let us proceed because what I have discovered from my relatively short time span on Earth that bullying is in fact continuous but takes a different form than your typical high-school bullying. First of all, let’s define bullying from a new perspective to know what we are exactly talking about.
Bullying (n): The act of verbally or physically abuse someone whom doesn’t have the power to fight back against you, so now we have defined it. Let’s see how bullying is continuous even when you are a grown-up man or woman. Your boss can bully you by abusing his or her authority and ask you to do tasks you are not supposed to do by the power of the contract you have signed, Wait! Don’t tell me you didn’t read the text written in small font. Oh boy, who does anyways. This reminds me of ticking the box for the terms and condition page. So yeah back to your boss, He or She had a bad day for whatever reason they might have. So, what can they do to make their day better, Yes! It is easy, request Jack to come to the office and force him to do the extra task he was not supposed to do. Poor Jack! He says what have I done to deserve this. But not that our main concern right now. I bet you forgot about the magical solution I mentioned above. Yeah it was intended to distract you with Jack’s story, I was just checking whether you are focusing or not! AND YOU WERE NOT FOCUSING! Argh, fine I will tell you now but you have to turn the page if you are reading a hard copy or simply scroll down, it is worth it, that I promise you.
So, the magical solution. How do you cope with bullying of whatever form it takes?
Answer: Self-Love and acceptance. When you are at peace with yourself, your tolerance threshold will be increased and will be able to handle practicaly anything and keep your composure and stay solid unshaken in the face of adversery. You will endure the things you can’t change at the moment and will have the needed patience to wait till you can. How? I am afraid you have to read more paragraphs to grasp the whole concept.
“I have known friendship love, parental love, romantic love, family love and unrequited love in my lifetime, but the only love that made a difference was self-love. You don’t need confirmation from the world or another person that you matter. You simply do matter. When you finally believe that truth and live it then you can do amazing things with your life! “Quote said by Shannon L. Alder.
Once you have chosen Self-Love, your whole world will be transformed and a life itself becomes more enjoyable, all of your fears of being outcast will vanish and life will welcome you with open arms.
“Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” Quote by Christopher Germer.
I am telling you this, the most person who deserve your kindness is yourself, it is not making any sense to be kind to others and not to yourself
Let us begin with the most downloaded manual of all time of how to achieve Self-Love
1: Choosing your inner circle
You can only offend me, If you mean something to me” Quote by Chris Rock
What does this mean? You set a circle for yourself and you only include those who REALLY matters. I am not talking about acquaintances, I am talking about people you would spend hours talking to them and they would carefully listen to your ranting. And outside of this circle. No matter what is said, you just use the aerodynamic flow of air through the left ear and the right ear. Simply let the words flow from left to right or vice versa, Yes. Listen from one ear and let whatever BS you heard out from the other ear.
Because those who matter will never hurt you, and those who hurt you, never matter.
Always surround yourself with people of same mentality, you will spend hours of fruitful conversations and all of you will utilizie one of Darwin’s evolution theory concepts which is natural selection, in the sense that you will formulate your own ideas that may be considered weird to society but true to you, and in the end, it is all about perspectives, what is acceptable to one person maybe not to another. This does not mean there is one right and one wrong. The world is not painted in black and white, there are so many layers of the color Grey. We have atheists arguing that God never exists, Agnostics not sure about it, and monotheists believe in God, however there is only one absolute truth that no one argues about and all 7.6 billion humans agree on which is Death.
2: Psychological Maturity
Is this a new term for you? Me too! I just thought about it now up by the way 😊 so what does it mean? It means you are mature psychologically. REALLY? Just switched the arrangement of words and calling that a definition?! What a noob! Okay okay don’t yell at me. I will explain. It means that you have reached a point in your life that you have accepted all of your flaws and you already acknowledge it and started your journey into changing it – if possible – because you can’t change your height for example, Unless you observe a giraffe and see what its diet is for two months.
“Once you have accepted your flaws, No one can use it against you “as George R.R. Martin said
And not only you have accepted it. That’s the first step. I want you to laugh at yourself.
WHAT THE **** you want me to laugh at my flaws? Yes! You heard me right. – or read me to be technically accurate. – Just read the paragraph below and you will understand what am I trying to say
“I laugh at myself. I don’t take myself completely seriously. I think that’s another quality that people have to hold on to… you have to laugh, especially at yourself.” Quote said by Madonna.
Never give anything more time than what it deserves, not even a second. Life itself will ultimately end, so why so serious? *Heath Ledger’s voice*
Psychology world will be introduced today to a new concept I invented, it is an interesting and new approach, I called it “Shock Laughter” you can use it on yourself and others- But more on that later- so how do you laugh at your flaws?
Let me share my personal experience, When I was a little kid. I used to pick my nose a lot. – NO ONE TOLD ME IT KEEPS GETTING BIGGER NON-STOP – and my mother was easy on me so was my father. So, I had an inferiority complex because of my huge nose. What did I do? I invented a joke. whenever someone asks me why your nose is so big?
I simply answer, “I was a skillful liar when I was a little and just like Pinocchio it got bigger every time I lied, I wanted to prepare myself and practice more lying to be an actor or maybe a politician. The bright future is ahead of me “
The Universe can be explained by Physics and it is all about charges, Positive and negative, and the science of Neuro Linguistic Programing NLP teaches us that you can turn any negative feeling into a positive one. Do you see what am I trying to conclude here? I took a negative experience of my nose and made it a positive one which makes everyone laugh including me and if someone mocked my nose, I have already built a defensive mechanism against it. So yeah, I mentioned you can use “Shock Laughter” technique with others, but it is very tricky you have to prepare the subject to it by doing four major steps.
Step 1: Prepare him or her mentally by implementing a “Shock Laughter” example of yourself first.
Step 2: Direct and build up the conversation towards the desired destination which is his or her flaw that they are ashamed of
Step 3: Carefully choosing and manipulating the words by choosing a metaphor to turn the negative experience into a positive one.
Step 4: Now begin with the support words, place them like an ointment to ease theProcess of accepting your words for them
Below I will show you two examples of “Shock Laughter” but remember that Step 3 is the most important if you haven’t thought about it clearly and more importantly how to say it. DON’T PROCEED with it.
One of my friends had weight issue, I went through both of step 1 and step 2 and when it came to step 3, I told her the following “You have a really solid ethics and it is like you have a ground of moral ethics so strong like the root of a tree, A Judo player won’t be able to lift you one inch above the floor” and smiled. She had a ghost of a smile on her face. That’s what we wanted. Don’t expect they will giggle and roll on the floor laughing.
The inferiority complex has many layers and we just removed one of them. Then you start right away with Step 4, I told her, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and a pretty person is all about their personality, I would not marry an obnoxious playboy cover model but a sweet caring soul. She smiled more. WOOOOHOOOO. The plan is working!
Loving yourself is the key! Check out what Queen Latifah had to say about this:
“I had to grow to love my body. I did not have a good self-image at first. Finally, it occurred to me, I’m either going to love me or hate me. And I chose to love myself. Then everything kind of sprung from there. Things that I thought weren’t attractive became sexy. Confidence makes you sexy.”
Another friend of mine had a birthmark like a darker skin patch on her face, she was embarrassed by it, I told her what she should say when someone stare at it, she would say “yeah that one *points at it* my brother used to play with permanent crayons while I was sleeping, I am the walking canvas of the next Da Vinci’s gallery” and so many examples can be said, You have to be very creative for choosing the metaphor. You need to shock their rooted mental image of themselves in order to change it.
They say that the stupid who never learn from their mistakes, and the smart one who learn already from their mistakes, and the genius one who learn from other’s mistakes. Please don’t repeat my mistake and do “Shock Laughter” online, they will immediately block you! You need to see them so you can read the body language before proceeding through the steps and use facial expressions that will help you by smiling warmly, I don’t want you to show your teeth like an idiot!
3: Being a friend with yourself
Listen up, I don’t want you to go wandering the streets talking to yourself loudly, because what will happen next, that you will wear a really nice white coat and you will have bodyguards walking you to a really fancy place. The mental health institution. I don’t guarantee you will enjoy your stay there. THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!
But what are the characteristic of a good friend?
A: Supportive when needed and showing tough love sometimes
I meant simply, you need to be at peace with yorself first, to be your own best friend,
This does not mean you will always be easy on yourself, When the time is needed for a serious one on one conversation, you need to be tough, because if you stayed in the comfort zone forever, you will never improve, I guarantee that to you. Your best friend is not the one who always blindly approve and accept whatever the hell you are doing, your best friend is the one to encourage you when you are down, tell you the words you NEEDS to hear not the ones you WANTS to hear. That is your best friend. And you know what, you should be your OWN best friend.
As Mark Twain said “The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
You have to be completely comfortable in your own skin, your body image and the way you look. If you don’t like yourself, I am sorry to tell you this but you will be very lonely, if you are alone travelling, Self-talk would be proven useful, always think of what you can improve about yourself.
“Self-improvement without self-love is like building a house upon sand. You can build and build, but it will always sink.” Quote said by Vironika Tugaleva.
B: Someone you really enjoy their company
“You’re always with yourself, so you might as well enjoy the company.” Quote said by Diane Von Furstenberg.
I am never bored when I am alone, I know how to amuse myself doing little games. When I am walking in the street, I set for myself a target is to race someone walking ahead of me and not touching anyone, Similar to Pepsi-Man version of PlayStation one game Yes, I am old and actually played PS one, thank you for reminding me.
Also, like guessing the number of the player on the back of a football jersey that I saw someone is wearing. Countless games I have invented, why don’t you come up with your own?
C: Always encouraging to embrace yourself not to be a clone of others
No one is perfect, we are all born with flaws, don’t you dare showing me Scarlet Johannsson PERFECT pictures and shove it up my face telling me that Angels exists. My dear all of these pictures are photoshopped, I worked closely with a celebrity pictures editor, I will tell you this, they are really good at their job, you have to see the before and after editing pictures side by side to know what am I talking about, Even Scarlet herself posted pictures of herself without makeup to make women embrace their natural beauty and not to chase the perfection illusion. Being a friend with yourself, include not judging and comparing yourself to others, we are all unique, even identical twins never have the same finger print, although they can fool iPhone X’s Face recognition. They are different, be authentic, there can only be one you, instead of trying to copy someone’s else. Be the best version of yourself
“Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” Quote said by Kurt Cobain.
You have the potentials to do things differently and better than your peers, so why don’t you find out what are your strength points and play the cards right!
D: Confident and courageous when needed to defend you.
A good friend is expected to step up and guard you emotionally from harsh comments and also to prepare you to accept yourself and most importantly to believe in you when no else did.
You fought your way through the ghettos till you succeeded and have carved your legacy in gold, but I want you to remember the times you were suffering, those who believed in you, deserve more recognition and appreciation of what they have done. You don’t have to prove your worth to anyone except one person, did you know already whom am I talking about?
That’s a correct answer, you deserve a prize which I will tell you about at the end of this article.
You! You are the one you were supposed to prove your worth to, only you my dear friend.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” Quote said by Lao Tzu,
People will bully you because you are different from them, being different scare people. I want you to embrace yourself, and accept it no matter what. People have always opposed the Prophets and let us remember Prophet Noah Peace Be Upon Him when he built an arc in the middle of the desert, these are times where faith of the believers is truly tested, If God wanted us to be all clones with the same skin color. He would have done that. But being different enrich the society and the diversity makes communities flourish.
“The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.” Quote said by Paul Tillich
You have to do three things in order to gain full self-acceptance:
1: Choose your inner cycle carefully.
2: Be Psychologically mature
3: Treating yourself as your best friend.
“You can’t serve from an empty vessel “Quote by Eleanor Brown.
if you don’t love yourself first, how can you claim you love others, those who never had a specific thing. Are uncapable of giving the same thing.
Believe in the law of attraction, if you started treating yourself better, people will start treating you better, because if you didn’t have respect for yourself, how do you expect that people will respect you? Embrace the imperfection, wear your scars as a warrior’s wound. When you become your own best friend, you will enjoy every single moment of your life.You will never be ‘bored’ there are always fun games to play with yourself, you will look at every situation you face as a new opportunity to exercise what you have learned through your self-talk. In the end the voice inside your head is the friend you should trust, all the defensive mechanism you have developed through the years, you have blossomed to be a beautiful creature just like a moth evolving to a butterfly so come out of the cocoon, And love yourself because you are worthy of this love and learn to appreciate your flaws before your merits. when you look in the mirror it is a reflection of what you believe in and everything you represent, make sure it is not broken!