The Invisible Crown

The paradox of modesty

a recent article by Irene McMullin in Philosophical Quarterly questions this line of thinking and asks us to reconsider what it means to be modest.

McMullin argues that modest people must be aware of their good qualities, precisely so they know to downplay them. For example, imagine Jane, a well-known filmmaker. If Jane doesn’t realize how amazingly successful she is compared to most, she’s likely to talk ad nauseam about her box-office hits and Cannes awards, unaware of how this makes people feel. It’s the paradox of modesty: You must realize how good you are to know how to avoid insulting others.

This sentiment is echoed by philosopher Aaron Ben-Zeév, who argues that modesty involves self-awareness joined with a belief in the intrinsic equality of people. The modest person knows he or she has some stellar qualities, but at the same time knows these qualities are to some extent beside the point. That’s what allows Bill, a Fortune 500 CEO, to chat with John, the janitor in his building. Even though Bill earns more money, commands more power, and is generally more successful than John, he realizes that, deep down, he and John are of equal worth and dignity.

courage, for instance: Running away at the first sign of danger is not courageous, but neither is running toward it, which is foolishness. True courage means striking a balance—using one’s practical wisdom to know when to face danger and when to back away

The right balance

The virtue of modesty, then, requires a similar balancing act between boasting of one’s accomplishments and hiding them from view. These extremes have one thing in common: They deny other people the respect they deserve. A falsely modest person makes others squirm when he claims the virtue while flouting it.

when an overly modest person more sincerely avoids talk of an accomplishment, she implies that the rest of us are too fragile to even hear about it. Take Jane, the filmmaker, at a dinner party. When the topic of her recent big movie comes up, what should she say to be truly modest? Of course, she shouldn’t quote the rave reviews or mention the sold-out theaters. But neither should she deny her achievements outright with comments such as, “Oh, I don’t direct very well.” No matter how demurely she says it the other guests will likely feel insulted—as if Jane must prevent them from viewing their own inadequacies in relief.

Instead, Jane could acknowledge her feat but downplay it (“Thank you, it took years to make it”), show her gratitude to others (“The support I receive from friends helps so much”), or divert the conversation elsewhere, possibly highlighting something that she struggles with (“Thanks, but what about your new book—I wish I could write like that!”). Any of these would show that she puts her success in the proper context. She’s not denying it, but acknowledging that it doesn’t make her a better person than anyone else—just better at one thing (and perhaps worse at others).

On the surface, modesty seems to be focused inward, on how people think of themselves. But as it turns out, it’s more about how one sees and respects others. To be truly modest, you shouldn’t deny your own triumphs. In fact, you have to be more cognizant—and considerate—than ignorant.

In the end, virtue does rely on honesty

Humblebragging is not an effective strategy

Praise and sympathy: They are two of life’s essentials, the oxygen and carbon dioxide of social interaction. The first is most directly elicited by bragging, and the second, by complaining. Whether it’s telling our friends about our accomplishments, sharing that we’ve bought a new [insert gadget of choice here], or boasting about our children’s talents, we’ve all bragged at one time or another. We feel good when we share our successes or the successes of those we love. In fact, a paper published in 2012 by two Harvard neuroscientists said that talking about ourselves gives us the same kind of pleasure we get from sex or food. But bragging is a tricky business. In the real world, we can see how people react to a boast. On social networking sites, with no face-to-face interaction, we don’t have the advantage of social cues that people give us—a disengaged look, an eye roll—to tell us to adjust our behavior. To navigate all that, we may (consciously or subconsciously) “try to neutralize the potential image of themselves as egocentric, narcissistic, or both by tempering the brag with a self-deprecating comment or disclaimer, hoping that social networking friends won’t detect the brag—or at least won’t be offended by it,” says Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., a University of Massachusetts, Amherst, psychology professor. We get nervous about how we’ll be perceived. Including something less than positive about ourselves helps us feel more relaxed, says Fabio Rojas, Ph.D., an assistant professor of sociology at Indiana University. And before you know it, you’re humblebragging.( a term coined by comedian and Parks and Recreation writer/producer Harris Wittels)
Wittels worked as a writer and co-executive producer for NBC’s “Parks and Recreation.” The show aired its final episode just days after his death and ended with an on-screen message in his honor.
A “humblebrag,” as Wittels explained to the wall street Journal in 2011, is “a specific type of bragging that masks the brag in a faux-humble guise.” Twitter , it transpires, is the perfect medium for humblebragging, especially by celebrities revealing choice tidbits of their glamorous lives while attempting to sound modest about it. humblebragging can actually damage your reputation within your online community, according to social media strategist Ekaterina Walter. Do it too often and people will quickly figure out when you lack authenticity in your social commentary.

Is Bragging worse or False Modesty ?

False modesty is when you are proud of something you have achieved, but pretend you aren’t.Consequently, it’s easy to recognise false modesty in yourself and difficult to recognise it in others.
I’m going to guess that people are going to consider your modesty as being false when you are modest about things that are generally admired, e.g. if you’ve been training/working really hard to reach your goal and after that go around saying it’s no big deal, people will most likely see it as false modesty.
So like, inviting over your poor relatives to see how jealous they will be of your big, flash house so you can gloat over them, while all the time pretending to be embarrassed by all your wealth.
Like when someone on a TV interview gives loads of specialist data and pretentious argument and says at the end, ‘but of course, I’m no expert’. A vain way to try and win sympathy, or to win praise for their humility, which is actually based in being an arrogant person

Across five studies, the researchers studied brags, complaints, and humblebrags on social media and in job-interview scenarios and evaluated how people reacted to each statement. In short, people respected complaints, tolerated brags, and disdained their intermixing. “The proliferation of humblebragging in social media and everyday life suggests that people believe it an effective self-promotional strategy,” they concluded. “Yet, our results show, people readily denigrate humblebraggers. Faced with the choice to (honestly) brag or (deceptively) humblebrag, would-be self-promoters should choose the former.”

False modesty is half the sin of pride

The other half being overconfidence. We all associate pride with claiming knowledge or authority or abilities that you don’t have (thinking too highly of yourself than you ought), but false modesty, pretending to be inferior than you are is every bit as much a detraction from the truth about yourself (therefore pride) as overconfidence.
you’re hiding behind a facade so you can act pretentious without looking like a bad guy, For example, if you’re very proud of your looks but you tell people that you don’t think you’re good looking, you’re obviously doing it as a way to fish for compliments. You’re deliberately making people think more highly of you since modest people are considered humble. And at the same time, you’re also making people think that they need to compliment you because they don’t want to see you think badly of yourself.

Signs of false modesty

Enjoys Judging Other People. But a humble person hands judgment over to God and instead busies oneself with themselves.

Is Easily Offended. But a humble person is quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

Inability to Laugh at One’s Self When Others Do the Joking. But a humble person sees the humor in his own paradox of sin and sanctification. He can laugh at his own expense, because he knows that his worth is based not on impressing people but rather in the reality of being loved by God.

Modesty in Christian Belief

Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes.  Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes. Peter 3:3-4

These verses don’t actually address the topic of modest clothing, but it does address the topic of beauty of the hearts , when we limit the discussion of modesty to what a woman puts on her body, we are doing ourselves a grave disservice. When we emphasize modest clothing at the expense of Christ-like living, we undermine Scripture, and put women on a dangerous path that leads to guilt and shame. And we subtly undermine the eternal truths of Scripture: that God is more concerned with issues of the heart than He is with outward appearances.

Modesty In Islam Belief

The essence of being Muslim is being humble.the word “Muslim” itself means to submit oneself in ultimate humbleness to Allah.But it is a great irony of the human soul that when we become more humble and submissive to Allah, we fall into a grave trap. We tend to grow in arrogance because we feel our level of submission is better than that of others.It was this same trap that Satan fell into. Once upon a time, Iblis (Satan) was so pious that he was allowed to worship with the angels. In one twist of events, Iblis was cast out and became the accursed.

Arrogance, Pride, Boastfulness. He refused to bow to Allah’s creation of man because he thought himself to be better than man.

{(Remember) when your Lord said to the angels: ‘Truly I am going to create man from clay. So when I have fashioned him and breathed into him (his) soul created by Me, then you fall down prostrate to him…

(Allah) said: ‘O Iblis! What prevents you from prostrating yourself to one whom I have created with both my hands? Are you too proud (to fall prostrate to Adam) or are you one of the high exalted?’ (Iblis) said “I am better than he. You created me from fire, and You created him from clay.} (Quran 38: 71-76) It is true that we, mankind and Iblis and his kind, were created differently. And it was this difference that caused Iblis to be proud, to hate mankind and become cursed by Allah. We can see this same arrogance and haughtiness played out every day in the hearts of mankind. Whether we perceive ourselves to be more pious, more intelligent, better at making money, or just from a better race of people, we too often get caught in the trap of thinking we are better. And we end up hating those who are different from us out of arrogance.Allah says: {And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth.  Verily, God likes not each arrogant boaster.} (Quran 31:18) Allah has created all of us differently with an array of strengths and weaknesses.So, how can we avoid becoming arrogant toward others as Satan is toward us?How can we truly be humble? The best example is that of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). After all he was truly the best of creation and the most humble.

The Invisible Crown

Modesty is about knowing your abilities and worth but at the same time you don’t brag it , admitting that there are many people are better than you ,but also not faking modesty which is fishing for compliments so its like wearing an invisible Crown on your head. The more you’re modest , the more your value in the society increase.

References :

http://www.aroyaldaughter.com/2013/09/19/what-does-the-bible-say-about-modesty/

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/technology/communication-etiquette/humblebrag

http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/21/modesty-part-1/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201012/the-paradox-modesty

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201106/maybe-its-just-me-how-be-modest

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090205083709AA93Fw9

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111125140217AAj1wd2

https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20121123091023AAQtI1H
https://www.quora.com/What-is-false-modesty

http://www.recoveringgrace.org/2013/08/whelp-there-it-is-15-signs-of-false-humility/

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2015/05/how-to-brag/394136/
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